Deanne Leber

january (28)

without witness words
slip.
into the cottesloe cave dusting sand from sandwiches at midnight.angry moon's noon.
five more years.taste you when i speak tie you together with string and paper clips.
have sex in a cave in cottesloe watching the ocean fight the moon.five more years. taste
you when i speak your words.stretched like cards on string from year to year. month to
month. blood to blood. stutter silence.without you i write about you. footprints on the
wall. you were
walking away as i spoke.
microphone feedback phh phh phh.significant in the page. invisible in flesh.tie myself
together with nonchalance.pin words to my hair. slip into the alley-way.
so far from where i used to be.
all i had was words to share.scared me to silence.
if i don't write how can i outrun the noise.
i am an unfaithful scribe.need a witness.
did you see the moon.
it whispered and coughed and wouldn't let me write it out as you walked away.
i wanted to say.
i cleaned the wall.
but.
they see my psych ward face washing the counter remember washing the floor remember
scrubbing my skin remember scrubbing my skin remember hairy legs can't use a razor
eat salad with a spoon.

july (28)

mirror me icon.in words you exist.lick the page.i want to be you. be.you to full.
empty.
fill me with your words.too hard.too fast.
these tears take years.drain them on the page.warm them with your eyes. mercury
dolphins swimming in alphabets slipping.did you get my letters did you get my words.
will i ever matter.
wake with a butterfly on my heart.
dead.peal it off wear your t-shirt starting a revolution. to your songs i rewrite my life.
your words are my words too.hear it in my chest. no-one believes me yet.sometimes
angels sometimes devils.tripping on the stained glass. mosaic to build your face by.
shining through the light.difference between us is only this. resist resist.
if i talk about you they think i'm crazy.
hide you on the page with a giggle with a star.reality is wherever you are.

december (28)

found your picture preparing me for take off.named me your icon. you'd be surprised.
erase the distance between us filled with words.hold it to the sun sees right through to
you.
paint makes walls pretty covers footprints.pinned in cyber twisting certain ways so i can
see it.falling.catch me like a star in your palm punched to wind.feel you growing in
me all curled up on the inside.the way you call me slut. whisper other names in my ear
pushing my head down.pack my things then how dare i leave you.say i'm the only one
then hack online cameras with one hand.
i'm in the shed painting watercolour words.stereo blaring your
song in the sun.see the cars slow down to stare.spell your name to the sky then pray i
can forget it etched on the page across my eyes turning against themselves.what we
wish we couldn't see with eyes closed.
force the illusion with your fist.
plan my escape between the washing and the ironing.
beginning again.
again.
after you. i won't unpack.
they search my case.
find your face.
with a star with a butterfly. i believe you.

Deanne Leber was born in 1971, in Western Australia. She has completed a BA in English and a BA in Writing (First Class Honours). Currently, she is working on her PhD at Edith Cowan University. Deanne is passionate about the rights of people with a mental illness, and has worked extensively in the disabilities field.

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