Graham Brown Something About Grandad- Final Draft page 1

Something About Grandad

'Come out from under there,' said Dad sternly. 'It's time to go.'

'But 1 don't want to go to Grandad's house,' said Cameron.

'Why not?' said Dad. 'You go there every weekend. 1 thought you liked it there. Come out and we'll talk about it.' Cameron slowly emerged from under the bed, and sat on Dad's knee.

'So, what's the problem?' asked Dad.

'Well,' said Cameron, wondering if he should really say. 'He smells like mothballs.'

'I see,' said Dad. 'I think there's something I should tell you about Grandad. A long time ago, Grandad was a detective.'

'I didn't know that,' said Cameron.

'Have you ever asked him?' asked Dad. 'One day he discovered a warehouse full of stolen goods, but while he was in there the gang of criminals came back.'

'Wow,' said Cameron.

'Grandad hid in a cupboard full of fur coats, and rang the police,' said Dad. 'When the police arrived, Grandad burst out and arrested the gang.

'Amazing,' said Cameron.

'Ever since then, Grandad has smelled like mothballs,' Dad continued. 'That's why we make him stand in the hallway, and hang the visitor's coats on him.'

'ls there anything else that bothers you about Grandad?'

'He's all bony,' said Cameron, 'and when he hugs me his ribs poke into me.'

'I see,' said Dad. 'I think there's something I should tell you about Grandad. A long time ago, Grandad was a soldier, and was taken prisoner.

'He didn't tell me that,' said Cameron.

'Have you ever talked to him about it?' asked Dad. 'He built a railway that was ten thousand miles long.'

'Wow,' said Cameron.

'He worked so hard that he turned into a skeleton,' said Dad. 'I don't think he ate his vegetables, either.'

'Fantastic,' said Cameron.

'Last year I hired Grandad out for Halloween parties,' said Dad.


'Is there anything else that bothers you about Grandad?'

'I don't like it when he takes his teeth out. It gives me the creeps.'

'I see,' said Dad. 'I think there's something I should tell you about Grandad. A long time ago, Grandad was a circus strongman.'

'I didn't know that,' said Cameron.

'I bet you have never asked him,' said Dad. 'He used to pull a truck across the showground using only a rope and his teeth.'

'Wow,' said Cameron.

'But one day he put the rope on the wrong truck' said Dad, 'and the driver got in and drove away.'

'Excellent,' said Cameron.

'Do you want to know the best thing about it?' asked Dad. 'When he goes out he can leave his smile behind with Grandma, so she doesn't miss him.'

'And another thing about Grandad,' said Cameron, 'is his hairy ears.'

'I see,' said Dad. 'I think there's something I should tell you about Grandad. A few years ago, Grandad was employed as a mad scientist.'

'I've never heard of that before,' said Cameron. 'Are you making this up to make Grandad more interesting?'

'Ask him yourself,' said Dad. 'He was working on a cure for baldness, and decided to test it on himself.'

'Wow,' said Cameron.

'When he put the mixture on his head, it was too runny,' said Dad. 'It ran down and collected in his ears.'

'Incredible,' said Cameron.

'Ever since that day,' explained Dad, 'Grandad has had great tufts of hair growing out his ears.' Dad sat lost in thought for a while, then added, 'He did receive a major award for inventing the earwig, though.'

'1 get bored over there,' said Cameron. 'Grandad just sits around all day, and won't play football with me.'

'I see,' said Dad. 'I think there's something I should tell you about Grandad. Many years ago, when Grandad was a young man, he was a professional football player.'

'I didn't know that,' said Cameron. 'So why won't he play?'

'One day Grandad kicked the ball so hard,' said Dad, 'his leg flew off.'

'ls that true?' asked Cameron, doubtfully.

'Cross my heart,' said Dad. 'He had to get a wooden leg.'

'Unbelievable,' said Cameron.

'Luckily someone in the crowd found his real leg, and sent it back to him,' said Dad. 'But he still uses the wooden leg to lean on.'

'Can we go to Grandad's place now?' said Cameron, leaping offDad's knee. 'I really want to talk to him.'

When they arrived Grandad was waiting at the front gate. Cameron shot out of the car and ran over to him. As Cameron leapt into Grandad's arms. . .

(Final picture shows Grandad's leg falling off).